my life thus far

Hello :)
Haven't posted anything in a long time, sorry, to be honest I totally forgot about the blog lol.
First off, omg Jeanne, I didn't know you had a blog! :) woot

So here I am, 10 pm. I am lazing away at the comp with not too much to do, well, theres never not too much to do but i dont want to do any of it right now. I am angry at a customer at work because I am sick. I wasn't a few days back, but then I played cashier for a day and what do you know... I KNOW WHO ARE MR 4 PSI TIRE GUY!!!! (he's the one who got me sick)

Well, my brother and his girlie has been staying with Jeremy and I for about 3 weeks or more now. Its nice to have him around and hang out. My apartment is lookin worse for the wear though, even though it is 2 bed 2 bath it is still pretty small for 4 people. OH, I got a kitten :) well, kinda. Its a stray little kitty that has come to our building and i feed it and named it, so I view it as mine now. He (I think it is a boy, it is also a calico so thats pretty darn neat) is smart, he runs away from all the various children around but comes to KateLynn and I :) We named him SJ. short for StephenJeremy lol. There is a long and funny story behind it but you woulda hadta been there so I will not go into it. In short, he is adobo and fuzzy and cuddly and mine :)

I am excited because after 13 weeks of split days they finally gave me two in a row off. the 4th and 5th of July no less.

My garden is doing amazing. I have lots of little green tomatos and some zhucinni and peas and strawberries and peppers galore. I am very proud of it. I love to just stand on my balcony and look at it and relax on a nice day. It is very calming.

Work is going fine I suppose. It is getting very hot in the shop and summer is just now getting under way. Not looking forward to the 100+ days that are gonna be here in a few :( I don't take the heat very well, I grew up in Montana. This kills me. And the darkest I can get is offwhite :(

Been thinkin alot lately. About lots of different stuff really. Where I am and where I want to be and the past as well. Don't know why i have been thinking about the past, it has no dwelling right now but i just have. I blame facebook. I see all these people I grew up with that I have not talked to in years and I am torn with emotions. I am happy for the most part because they are doing so well, good jobs or schooling or married and babies etc... But I am also a litlle sad. I really should have kept in better touch before, I feel that I have missed out on a lot of things for my old friends and I am sad that I have drifted so far from where I once was. I love where I am at in life right now and I love my friends to death but I guess I am nostalgic for my childhood. I wonder if this is the everyone feels when they "turn into grownups" or if I am way too sentimental. hmm. either way, thats been a part of my thoughts lately.
I also have been thinking of where I want to be. I don't really want to live in tri-cities anymore, it's okay here but it just doesnt feel like home to me. I don't really know where I want to go though. I want mountains for sure. I have been thinking northern wash. but I don't know. Or Spokane. There are many places that I would like to move to but ultimately I am scared. I am fairly situated here, Jeremy and I both have our jobs and apt. and everything and I am afraid that if we move it will be too hard. Its like taking your first dive into the swimming pool. You want to do it, you know it will be loads of fun and frankly you are tired of cannonballs off the ledge. But you have that little fear built up in your stomach, that fear that whispers in your ear, this is so high up, what if I go in wrong and get hurt, what if I crack under pressure and freeze on the board. Do you make the plunge or do you step down, take the safer route, keep screaming cannonball as you jump off the ledge of the pool and look up with envy when someone else dives magnificently off the highdive? Right now I feel like that kid, the one who is afraid to make the jump but yearns for the feeling of accomplishment of making the perfect dive. I am scared that what if transportation isn't any good wherever I go, I have no car right now and I would need to make it to work. What if I move to a place and don't like it? What if the house isn't what I thought it would be or the neighbors aren't who I would want to live next to? I don't know why I am letting these things hold me back, after all, I live in a fourplex and I can't communicate with my nieghbors, I am borderline ghetto. I think that in the end I am afraid of change. I always have been. I am the hater of the anitclimax. I cry when an era ends. When in movies the end is so far from the start. I don't want my end to be so far from my start. I don't want to see a bunch of changes. I am an in the rut kind of person, vintage to the core. I guess that I am afraid of regrets. And I regret that. I feel that I miss out on many parts of life because of that mindset. The most messed up part of it is this, total addmitance of the problem but yet I do not know how to solve it.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up either, and I am pretty much there. I don't want to work at Wal*Mart for the rest of my life. I want to go to school but it is so expensive and I don't know what to take because I don't know what will be apllicable to my life in the future. I want to learn another language, more that one. I want to finish my drama degree and I would love to be a teacher for younger grades but that doesn't make much money at all. I would absolutly love to own a little "restaraunt" I guess would be the word. But that does not aptly describe it. A sadwich shop with a bakery. A comfortable little place for people to have lunch and desert and to make cakes for all occasions. That is my dream, with a bookstore beside it. But again the fear, I edge my way to the end of the highdive, quivering.... What if I can't make enough money at it? What if it is not at all how I imagine it?
I also would like to start a charity of some sort or the other or something along those lines. I love helping people and making people smile and feel good about themselves. I want to help people. Maybe socialwork but I think I am to fragile for that. I am not big on anything government anyway, it usually seems to get muddled up somewhere along the line. So back to charity. I am not sure how to start a charity so any info would rock my socks.

Anyways, that was a lot longer than I had anticipated. I will write again soon because getting stuff like this off my chest feels good. :) my own therablog haha. I will try to keep it lighter next time though. Have an amazing night.

Sweet Dreams
Blondie <3